When it rains it pours.

When it rains it pours.

I always resented how much this phrase resonated with my life, now finally I have come to love it. My heart has always belonged in the desert and just like I feel like the landscape of my soul is blue skies and red rock the weather that shapes my landscape also resonates here. When it rains in my life it really, really pours. It's a struggle I have come to love nothing gets me out of my shell more than having floods rising up. "When it rains it pours" is a great way to figure out what is worth keeping in life the things that stay are what really matter. After the storms are gone it makes me see my life perfectly clear. Life is full of drops of rain for most but I go against the grain and for that I am grateful. Grateful that when the rain comes down on me it washes everything of unimportance away keeping me on the path I am meant to be on. It carves the river of my desires, helps me reach for all the things higher than where my banks are currently stuck at. I ask for help to let me know which direction this river needs to go, in those moments I am the closest to Him. The river has flooded its banks for a few hours and in that moment I can see what is really here. You are here, my friends are here, my family is here and my dreams of my future family are here guiding me through the pouring. So let it pour and let me gain the confidence of what matters to me and who I truly matter too. Trials don't have to be the death of me instead they are what bring life into this soul. I see it is pouring now and the clouds have covered up the physical. All I am left with is the dreams and the aspirations of what I want my life to be like. When the rain does stop it will give me the growth and the power I need to climb to a higher level of empathy and love towards others. LET IT RAIN, BUT FORGET THE SNOW(please dont snow).

Heart, death and peoples sleeves.

A favorite lyric of mine used to be "our hearts aren't on our sleeves there where they should be" back then I was guarded up from the past. I now have realized my heart doesn't belong to me. It doesn't belong in me or on my sleeve. It belongs on the sleeves of those that I love. Better yet I hope to live a life where my heart doesn't just end up on the torn clothing of my friends but makes its way into their own heart. I hope the love of others is my last gift I give before I take my last breath, in doing so when I leave my heart won't be so far away from everyone who means anything to me. I'm not showing off my heart and I'm not keeping it under lock and key, I leaving it open and ready for the taking. I've seen and been through to much in this life to not give the world my best.

The rules I live by.

On my mission I gave a spiritual message about charity almost every day at our dinner appointments for about three months straight. The true aspects of charity are something that has been my main goal in life in becoming the person the savior wants me to be. 

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

"seeketh not her own" is probably the hardest aspect of charity to learn how do we learn to put our own feelings and desires to the back seat and focus and give to others what they need instead? We all were born completely dependant on our mothers and fathers. How does one learn to put their own needs in the backseat and become ready for marriage and more importantly how do we learn how to be unselfish before we bring children into this world? I've learned though all the trails of my life that its always easier if I think about others and what I can do to be kind and not envious of others lives. I want charity more than anything my goal in life is to live up to this definition and live a life worth living. My life is only worth living if I am living it for others.

Why I pray.

Last January someone left this on my car at UVU, I have no idea why or who but it helped me feel loved at a time I really needed it. My life has changed drastically from then and they were right good things were coming. The good that came was I now love the lord and love life through any trial. This is why i pray for tender mercies like this, more importantly I pray so I can have a greater perspective of my life and the role I play in our world. 

New.

I wrote this four years ago as an assignment for english, i think its good. It was a turning point in my life and set in red rock sandstone who I am. ITs the reason for the title of my blog and it gave me a metaphor to endure life. This new blog isn't for me to endure life moving forward I'm going to share the good the great and the best my life has given me instead.


To me beauty is love, when I think of all the things that I believe to be beautiful love is the feeling that fills my soul so I thought what do I think is beautiful? Women and nature came first to my mind. Why do i think these are beautiful? Why do I love them so much? I realized that their my other half's there parts of me that i myself cant be. I cant have the compassion of a woman or the understanding and faith. I have to love a woman for her to share those aspects of who she is. Love is a bond that connect two and when looking at it "it's" beautiful.

Nature is everything that isn't me, its woods mountains, desserts and city's. Certain types of landscapes connect me to how I feel inside. In high school i was confused alone and rushed so I felt at home when i was in the city, it connected me to how I felt inside.

Last summer I was anxious for a new start I wanted to prove myself and I wanted a challenge so my soul felt at home on the peaks of mountain tops. Anytime I closed my eyes thats where I was that landscape fit my soul and I thought there was nothing more beautiful.

Now after my challenges and heartbreaks with lost loves my soul lies in a dessert. the desserts of southern Utah, Arizona, New Mexico and Colorado . Theres a peace that comes to me when im out there everything's calm, everything's smooth. The land is flat when cliffs do appear theres sand rock and there smooth. everything is subject to the wind. Its like how I feel now im at peace and I feel that everything I do is subject to god and that im okay with it.

Its just like the redrock in southern Utah it has waited to get to be turned into something amazing. they become arches. I feel at peace there because my goal in life is to become an arch. I am willing to subject myself to what god wants not what I want, and im willing to let God, (or the wind) take its time on me and turn me into what I should be. in till then im satisfied just being in a dessert. The sun is visible from sunrise to sunset, theres no clouds to get in my way and no mountains to delay the sun. I think I have found the landscape my soul will forever reside in.